uncat

Promises

~ Kate Wilson ~ 3 Comments

At the beginning of this year I wrote about some promises I made to myself and now as we start a new month I want to take a look at how I’ve been getting on with them.

Vegetarian – I have kept to this promise except for one occasion when I ate a thin slice of free range chicken. I had made lunch and discovered too late that the home made burgers I had defrosted were not the vegetable and hazelnut ones but were beef.  I had also prepared chicken for the Resident Adolescent so  I decided to have a piece of that rather than eat the non organic beef. Eating out has been fine and I am now asking in restaurants what they have for vegetarians.

Smoking – It is now 4 months since I stopped smoking and I haven’t wanted to smoke at all in this time. I know it is dangerous to say so but I really do feel it is for good this time. I stopped for positive reasons – for health of course but mostly because I want to connect more with the energy of my heart chakra and I think smoking creates a barrier to that.

Coke and Tescos  Absolutely no problem with keeping away from them!

Catalan for two weeks  I really did try with this but it didn’t feel as successful as last year. I definitely spoke more Catalan but I can feel I am resisting it at the moment. Will try a fortnight again in February. I know it is the ONLY way to improve.

Forgiveness and Sending out Love  An ongoing process. I do still get angry and frustrated and hurt but at least I remember quickly what I decided to do and I have a go at doing it.

Kitchen Sink This has been wonderful. I have no problem cleaning it every day and when I was away I actually missed doing it!  If you think that is crazy then you haven’t tried it. I don’t even mind when someone makes it dirty again.  I just have it in my head as one of my jobs and do it like a meditation. Actually I think that the others are keeping it cleaner too – not deliberately, well not the Res.Ad. anyway but just because it so often looks sparkly it is harder to leave it in a mess.
 

So, I’m quite pleased with progress and am starting February with some more promises and pacts.
I think it helps to make them public so I will draw up a list once I have decided exactly what I can promise to do.  And of course all the above will continue, including the kitchen sink which is now very easy!

I am in London

~ Kate Wilson ~ 3 Comments

I am in London

Right now I am in East Finchley, sitting in a warm bustley cafe that has lately become horribly familiar as it is opposite the station and not far from the Islington and St Pancras Crematorium.
Today we are going to scatter my brothers ashes, to reunite him with his daughter, my niece, who is already resting there.  The day we have chosen has turned out to be the day of the Big Snow. At the moment there is only a light splattering but it is expected to disrupt trains and roads and perhaps even planes, as is typical in a UK winter weather challenge.

I lived in London for 15 years from the early 80’s to the mid 90’s. Everywhere I go is a trigger for memories and I feel I am swimming in an enormous lake into which has been tossed many objects from my past. They bob past me and I idly remember little things – some funny, some sad, some just plain factual. All of it gives me a hefty reminder of time passing and getting older. Perhaps it is not a lake but some Proustian soup that I have dived into?

Yesterday I went with my good friend Janet (who I met on almost my first day in London back in 1980) to have a steam bath in Ironmonger Row. Our ritual used to be a weekly steam at the baths in Porchester Row but we did sometimes go to the East London one. Both were places of total relaxation, of deep cleansing for our spirits as well as our bodies

Oh how changes can hurt!
This is definitely not an advertisement for Ironmonger Row – the New Look. 
It is now called a Spa and has been ‘improved’ which means it is no longer the preserve of female bodies in all their young/old, fat/thin, black/white glories.  It is bigger, dimly lit and more scented.  There are false battery-operated candles and showers called ‘The Monsoon’.   I was just coming out of one of the normal showers when a black suited young slim attendant came and apologetically but firmly told me I must wear my bathing costume. I told her I had none – never before did you need them. She said it is now policy that everyone must wear a costume after complaints were received about nakedness. She tried to give me a line about ‘ethnic’ sensibilities but I told her that for years these baths were used by women from all races and were based on hammams where women could get together to wash, to be scrubbed raw by beefy attendants,  to henna, to shave, to laugh, to feel free.  It turned out the ethnic sensibility was that of young British slim girls who feel uncomfortable with their bodies unless clothed in a bikini.
Imagine being told off when standing naked and dripping in an expensively beautiful but spiritually dead Spa!

But some changes are wonderful. I was meeting my lovely niece at Kings Cross and suddenly realised that what I had known as the station had only ever been an ugly 1970’s facade and now it has been whipped away there stands the original beautiful building.
Inside by the departure boards is also a wonder – it is almost Gaudiesque!

So, today, outside the cars are all covered in snow and it is almost time to make our way up to the cemetary. A sad day but also another reminder – as if I needed one – that life is so precious.

This song was going around in my head – Timing by Kevin Jorhansen and the Nadas

Lost and Found

~ Kate Wilson ~ 3 Comments

I wasn’t meaning to tempt fate yesterday by describing how much better I am feeling!
But somehow somewhere that same day I lost my keys – again!
That feeling when you have lost something is so particular.
The search
over and over again checking bags and pockets
The review
mentally and sometimes physically retracing the last hours
The prayers
to Saint Anthony of course and usually he helps, but sometimes he can’t
Repetitive searching
because you still can’t believe that the thing is gone
Worry
 especially about keys. Did I leave them in the front door and the ‘wrong’ person walked past, took them and is waiting to break in and rob and murder us?
More desperate searching
that involves silly places like bathroom cupboards and dustbins and under the dog food
Fantasy
as you remember times when you found the lost thing, perhaps even in one of those weird places

Oh well, eventually there comes acceptance and I now have a newly cut key around my neck tied with a ribbon. When I open the door I have to bend down to reach the lock and if Bonnie tried to push quickly through the door I am liable to be strangled. But at least I can’t leave this one in the lock unless I also leave my head outside!

From yesterday
Here is a scene from Granollers main street, lovely music as I walked back from the gym (could I have dropped the keys into his hat??)

xmas lottery

~ Kate Wilson ~ 1 Comment

its that time again! sorteig de nadal. broadcast from madrid,  like a mantra the school chidren actually sing out the winning numbers. it is repetitive, incredibly weird and horribly fascinating. the singing and the ritual seems religious and yet….it’s a lottery!
i have only one ticket this year.