Personal Reflections

Feeling Better

~ Kate Wilson ~ 7 Comments

What is so lovely about writing this blog is that I feel I have friends close to me even when so many are far away. Thank you all who wrote such loving messages to me after yesterday’s post.
I think the Virtual Vermut idea has taken off and I will start writing that next week – not sure what day yet but I’ll invite you in good time!
And perhaps another day for the Virtual Adolescent? Someone suggested this one could come complete with remote control – that sounds good.  Mute button, change channel, switch off!
Today I girded my loins and after Catalan class forced myself to go to the gym. No arguments. A quick reviving coffee in Roca Umbert art centre (and a tiny little chocolate croissant – really tiny) and I cycled over to Golds Gym.
It is a bodybuilders place, no frills, even the womens’  changing room has been taken over by the men so I had to leave my bike in the office and ask someone to check for naked men before I went in to have a pee!
Tiffany discovered the place and invited me to go along with her the first few times. I like it because there are no young skinny brown Catalan women in skimpy shorts.  Apart from us there are never any women at all!  I like it because I can go in, do my exercises and leave without any faffing about with induction sessions or membership cards. I also like it because it is cheap – 20 euros for a month so even if I chicken out half the time then I am still only paying about 1 euro a visit.
What makes it hard then?
There are no women! So sometimes I feel conspicuous and alone as the boys pump their muscles and shout across the room to each other in Castellano.  The music is often incredibly loud and the videos are ‘interesting’!  I think it must have been kick boxing I was watching on Monday – it involved two men getting their heads very tangled up in each others arms and legs and groins.  Then they stood up and kicked each other.
Today it was great. My least favourite minder was on duty but he was very friendly this time. There were only four other men who stayed mostly in the free weights area, leaving the machines just for me. The music was tolerable so I could hear the tango on my ipod and the video was actually enjoyable to watch.  A lot of women doing belly dancing  and occasionally kissing each other while making eyes at the camera.  I stayed an hour and a half and left feeling great.
In terms of scary things I think going to this gym is on a par with the Barcelona milongas when I go on my own but….at least I don’t have to wait for someone to ask me to dance!

Would you like a drink?

~ Kate Wilson ~ 12 Comments

There is a blog I like a lot by a woman in Canada, Bodhi Chicklet, where she writes posts called Virtual Coffee.  She invites you to join her for a chat and tells you all the things she might say if you were actually there. I hope she doesn’t mind if just for today I pinch the idea and invite you for a virtual vermut(vermouth).
If you were here sitting with me this evening on the terrace this is what I would tell you

I suppose that if you are a middle-aged British woman who moves to Spain it is unavoidable that sometimes you will have to struggle with the OFU feeling. That means – for those of you who have never been there – Old Fat and Ugly.  Surrounded by young brown dark-eyed slim Catalan/Spanish women it is not always easy to feel good about yourself. Especially when your partner tells you that your (sort of ) step son says you are lletja. This is Catalan for ugly.

Of course he didn’t expect this to be repeated to me but it was and so I have to deal with it.  When you are 16 anyone over the age of 20 will probably be lletja but…..and this came on a day when I already had chickened out of the gym because I couldn’t face a roomful of muscley men.
And next weekend I am invited to a family birthday party where the ex wife will also be.  As she normally walks past me without speaking on the street it doesn’t seem a very tempting invitation. But you are expected to go to family things here – you seem strange if you don’t.
Anyway, I spent the afternoon cleaning a room that was my late mother-in-laws workroom – just brushing the floor and tidying things into piles, and thinking about her. Remembering another day when I had the OFU blues and went to visit her.  She had called me upstairs – as her flat is above ours she could wave and call down from her kitchen window – and vulnerable as I was on that day I ended up bursting into tears on her shoulder.  What a lovely woman – she confided that she had never felt pretty and, lovingly as always, she told me how much she liked my face, my smile and my energy in the house.  Goodness I miss her!
Then our house was 50/50 women and men.  Two of each. Now it is just me and the boys.
Working my way around her room, seeing her flower arranging equipment, her painting gear, her stained glass tools, I wished once again that we could have spent more time together. All the times that I was too busy to go in for a cup of tea came back to haunt me.
I found some lovely old cooking magazines that were priced in pesetas.

Afterwards I brushed her patio and reminded myself that I must water her plants more often now that it is getting hotter. It’s so pleasant to be up there almost talking with her.  Everything is still as it was when she was here – and yet it’s not.

Her table and chairs have recently migrated down to our terrace and this is where we can drink our vermouth and listen to the swifts. It’s nice to have a comfortable place to sit for the first time and I love the cushions – aren’t they nice? She probably made them like so many other things in the house.

But I’d so much rather she was still upstairs waving from the window and calling me in for a chat

The First Day of Spring

~ Kate Wilson ~ 5 Comments

Lamorna is famous for daffodils. Early ones, late ones, yellow and creamy ones. Small meadows are full of them and a lovely path edged with them, winds back from the coast taking you past the granite quarries and down to the stream. There are always places to buy a bunch with an honest box for money.  Friends from Barcelona were amazed that here in Cornwall you are trusted to leave your money in a tin by the side of the road. I suppose sometimes people steal it but it’s not common and I like that feeling of being presumed to be honest, unlike in some shops in Granollers where you must leave your bag at the door in case you get a sudden desire to shoplifter.

What luck to be here in Spring, with time to think about future plans and to let go of the stresses and strains of the past months. I still don’t have a clear idea of how I will resolve the split I feel between two homes but I feel more trusting that the answer will come by itself. We will find the right path.

 The end of my time here is fast approaching and I am dreading the day of goodbyes with my dogs while trying to savour every moment that remains. Tomorrow I go to two different vets with two different pets. Both Blue my black collie and Mazey my black cat need to have teeth extracted urgently so it will be an anxious day of waiting and worrying.  Then hopefully a happy and painfree homecoming

8 Things That Annoy Me – or used to

~ Kate Wilson ~ 3 Comments

It’s funny how even on a lovely day you/I can get irritated by small things. Today I tried to notice what these things were and laugh at myself a little – life’s too short for all that but sometimes you can’t stop that silent gritting of teeth.

  • people who try to open the toilet door even when it says ‘engaged’ or has a red line
  • shop keepers who give you the change with the coins on top of the notes so they slide off as you try to put the note in your purse
  • people who stand on either side of a narrow lane when you are trying to drive past

We had an amazing lunch today in the Porthgwidden Beach Cafe in St Ives. but while enjoying grilled sea bass with a roast potato cake and two delicious sauces – one green and one red……. I couldn’t stop myself thinking of three things that annoy me in Catalunya!  I know it’s better to live in the present moment but instead I had a mini rant about –

  • how hard it is to get vegetarian food in Catalan restaurants
  • menus that always have more or less the same set of dishes instead of experimenting
  • the lack of awareness about organic produce and free range meat and eggs

To balance things up I need to record the really annoying thing about ticket machines in the UK

  • for some reason they never give you change. They normally inform you with a little message ‘This machine doesn’t give change’  Why not?  If they can do it in Catalunya then why not in the UK?

And for my eighth thing here is one that used to annoy me a lot and now doesn’t bother me at all!

  • men leaving the toilet seat up. What a liberation – this used to infuriate me but I can honestly say that I have let it go. Totally. No tooth grinding at all!

Today was a lovely day – apart from one of the best lunches I’ve had in years – did I mention the cheesecake? We also watched 6 or more dolphins swim across the bay just offshore from the beach.
Magical.

Asking for Help Part 2

~ Kate Wilson ~ 8 Comments

If you come here regularly you’ll notice I have tweeked things around a bit.
It took me a while as I am not very technically adept and before I could change the design I had to download a new version of Firefox and this still makes me nervous. I feel a bit of a granny sometimes (sorry grannies) trying to keep up with new technology and downloading something always seems a risk! My hands tremble a bit and I hold my breathe waiting for something awful to happen. But it didn’t.

I’ve learnt to ask for help and what I love about the internet is that for every problem (well almost!) there is a Forum. Somewhere out there in the world sits a kind person who will send you advice. Which is what happened today and I was able to tweek to my hearts content.

I needed to make a change as I have been asking myself why I am writing this blog. Recently I have had a lot more visitors and some very nice feedback but still I find my progress slow. I don’t know how to get more people to take a look and, most important of all  for me, I don’t know how to encourage people to write in and leave a comment.

  •  Perhaps the word ‘comment’ is off-putting. Maybe ‘response’ is better. Like in a conversation you say something and the other person responds. Could just be one word or something longer.
  • Perhaps there is something in the way I write that doesn’t invite feedback?
  • Perhaps those who visit feel they have nothing interesting to say?
  • Perhaps the people who read my posts are not the sort of people who feel comfortable leaving messages on blogs? (one of my friends feels this way)

I don’t know the answer but I must admit I sometimes get downhearted and that makes it harder to write something new.  Perhaps I am an online version of a crazy person walking down the street jabbering away to themselves.

So if you have any suggestions or thoughts on how I can resolve this problem then please do leave a comment or a response!
I hope you like the new look!