Personal Reflections

Going to the dentist in Granollers

~ Kate Wilson ~ 2 Comments

I finally got round to going to the dentist here. Funny how you put these things off when it all feels unfamiliar. But a crack in a crown forced me to phone up and I didn’t allow myself to speak English, only asking the receptionist to please speak slowly.  Unusually she responded in beautiful clear and slow Catalan.  This is not my normal experience as for some reason most people ignore my request for slow and only speak louder and, perhaps nervously, faster.
I had two appointments so was able to take full advantage of the incredible views over the Porxada

There were lovely bird drawing in the waiting room, done by the dentist himself, Snr Costa

These relaxed me before going ahead with the filling. Yes, a new filling as it turned out the crack was not a problem but the cavity next door needed seeing to.  They took out an ancient amalgam filling and replaced with the more healthy white kind.

It’s embarrassing seeing a dentist here – I feel I have to apologise for a ‘British’ mouth.  Apparently we are famous for having been subject to drill and fill, especially in the 1960’s which is when I used to go and see an enthusiastic but not highly skilled Mr Terrace.  I remember the sound of the drill, the flecks of dandruff on the top of his head which I focused on to distract myself from the pain. I’m not sure there were injections in those days, can that be true?
Sitting in the dentist chair must be one of the most intense and private experiences we have in public. You can’t speak, your mouth is open at the least attractive angle, a strong light is focussed on your face and there is no escape.  You are forced back inside yourself to seek comfort in whatever way you can.  I usually try to levitate to another astral plane.
But today I needed to keep some attention in the room.  He was speaking to me.

Surely this needs no translation?
Obri, una mica més. Ara tanqui…tanqui…..TANQUI……gràcies…..ara obri….més…més…més….molt bé.

Tiny Buddha

~ Kate Wilson ~ 6 Comments

Isn’t it lovely to get a parcel in the post?

Here is the book I ordered from Amazon in Spain

It took a while to arrive so when I opened it I couldn’t remember what made me want it in the first place.
For a few moments I thought – oh no, another self help book to sit on the shelf and gather dust!
But then I started to read and it is a little gem.

One of those books where you think – OH YES!  every few sentences.
Or I do anyway!

I grew up feeling always a bit unhappy inside.  I felt different and out of step with other people, especially those in my own family. I looked different, I thought different things and I seemed to feel things too much. I tried asking other people if they felt like this and for years, it seemed that they always answered ‘No, not really, not like that’
Of course there were some who knew what I meant. I was always lucky enough to find some kindred spirits.  But I still struggled to find a peaceful happy place inside me. I couldn’t find the magic formula that others seemed to take for granted.

When I discovered the internet it opened up a huge new world of people who could perhaps explain to me why I felt like an extra terrestrial. I sometimes have googled questions like ‘why am I unhappy?’ or  ‘how can I deal with this pain?’ or ‘what should I do?’
Cries from the heart.

Really – of course I always knew that no-one out there would have an answer especially for me but sometimes when you are desperate you just have to reach out and ask.
And the most incredible thing about the internet is that you discover there are hundreds, thousands, millions of other people asking the same questions.
So you don’t feel alone.
In this little red book, the author did something like that – she used Twitter and Facebook and a web site and connected with other people feeling depressed and lonely and lacking self confidence and she started researching big questions about the Meaning of Life  and why we suffer and how to find happiness.
And this book is the story of what happened.
It is uplifting and very wise.
Great stuff.  If you read this and know what I am talking about then I think you could enjoy this book.
If you are in the ‘No, not really, I don’t know what you mean’ group then just ignore me and my next post will be about something different…..probably:)

Here’s a quote that I liked today
‘It’s only in finding the courage to admit our pain that we can lean on each other….why should we shroud ourselves in shame simply for being human?’                        Lori Deschene    Tiny Buddha

The Glad Game

~ Kate Wilson ~ 4 Comments

I’ve been so caught up in worries about the dogs fighting, Blue’s cystitis, my painful hands, the imminent arrival of the Resident Adolescent to stay for good, and a hundred other little anxieties that, I lost sight of the big picture for a while.
And of course in spite of normal troubles, I do like my life here.
There was a time when I lived in Cornwall when I was struggling to see the point of anything so I started  a practice of writing down every night five things that I was grateful for.  If it was a bad day I could write down basics – I have a home, I can breathe, I have running water, I have two legs, I have food.

But of course when I looked there was always so much more:- people who had smiled at me, experiences that were good, friends who gave me a hug.
It seems to be one of those magic formulae that is easy to do but sometimes we forget to do it.
Too often I get caught up in the small stuff and this is something I want to change.
Just off the top of my head here is my list for today – if anyone wants to join in I’d love to hear what 5 things you feel glad of today.
1.   I am so glad to have my two beautiful dogs here with me so I can enjoy them, care for them and run my hands through their soft warm fur every day.
2.   I am grateful for the sunny weather this winter so that when I go out with the dogs it is a pleasure to be in the open air.
3.   The internet is amazing and I am grateful for all the wonderful bloggers I have found who share their experiences, their creativity, their humour and their humanity. It has helped me feel less alone here.
Here’s one of my favourites.
4.   I am really glad there is a drawing class here in Granollers and grateful to Dolores for taking me there. It is so good to be doing something creative.
5.   How amazing it is to be able to get on a train and in 40 minutes arrive in the centre of Barcelona. I went up this week and it is like an injection of pure happiness. I love that buzz in the air.

I notice in myself a hesitation to let you read this post – perhaps I worry that it sounds complacent to make a list of good things in your life. I promise I would try to do it in on the bad days too.
I believe it is an energy changer and can work miracles.
Why not try it?

A week in my life

~ Kate Wilson ~ 3 Comments

It’s been a good week with lots of movement – various aspects of life evolving and changing although, on the surface, everything is more or less the same.

You know the sort of week – time goes by, things happen, some days are better than others?
First – I finally went and had my hair cut in Granollers

 I had been putting it off.   Fear. Timidity.  But I am pleased with it and feel so much better, bouncier, lighter.   I managed perfectly well to explain what I wanted – in Catalan – and when the woman was washing my hair I did my usual MMMMMMmmmmm to show that I like having my head massaged (some people don’t!) and she continued to spend about 10 minutes massaging my whole scalp. I fell asleep – it was incredible.

The weather has been cold – today -4. But the sun still shines and it’s lovely during the day to be out and feel the warmth on your cheeks – it’s not hot but strengthening every day

We went for a walk up on the hills behind Mataro

Blue managed to walk all the way up to the top where we found an abandoned masia and dreamed of buying it and making it our home

It is so wonderful to be out in the countryside, to walk without traffic or people, to hear birds and see the sea in the distance

This week I have been practising Castellano as I realised it is getting harder and harder to speak it now that Catalan is dominant in the foreign language department of my brain. I have switched back to Spanish National Radio 3 to practise listening. On Saturday they played this song which I think would be lovely to dance tango to. But on the Catalan side of things I am feeling happy that we have almost finished the book we bought last year, Les Veus del Pamano. It feels like a big achievement and I understood almost every word.
On Saturday there was a class of Contact improvisation here in Llancadora.  It helped me relax after these two weeks of pain and at last I felt myself coming back into my body after the double shock of hurting both hands so badly.
On Sunday we had the tango class here again but for the last time as the teacher can’t afford to pay rent for the space!  It was 15 euros but he didn’t have enough people.  It’s been great to do some leading again as there were more women than men and all of them happy to practise with me. I am beginning to miss teaching tango so perhaps sometime I’ll start it up again and perhaps combine with English practice!

Today was my drawing class and tonight is the first meditation group at Tiffanys house.
New beginnings.

I feel that Spring is just around the corner – as if the seeds that are buried deep in the dark frozen ground are beginning to come to life. Something inside is shifting and wakening. We’ll see. For the moment – here is the cake that I brought home for tea, to celebrate the first day of my hands feeling better!

Santa Susanna

~ Kate Wilson ~ 2 Comments

Such a strange place – a lovely long beach and a caravan and camping site right on the edge of the sand

Then a railway track. Then the main road and then a large nothingness and further inland a very new town which seems as if it was plonked here just to serve the coastal tourist part

But if you just stay close to the beach it’s very pleasant and I can imagine coming back again and trying to get a beach side plot so I can put my breakfast table outside the van to sit there watching the sea and the sun rise.
And it’s only 32km from Granollers.
There are hundreds of camper vans – some enormous – some even more basic than mine. Mostly they have come from Germany and Belgium. Because of this it wasn’t too noisy on New Years Eve – about an hour of petardos thrown by local children and then peaceful silence

Petardos are firecrackers and I wasn’t aware of them before coming to Catalunya where they are commonly used by children of all ages to celebrate such things as the feast of St John in midsummer, Barça winning a football match and on New Years Eve. I just discovered that firecrackers were invented in China in the 9th century and were banned in the UK from 1997. They are designed to make noise rather than light and some of them are mini explosions which you just have to get used to if you live in Spain!
Blue is pleased to report one great advantage of being deaf – she is no longer bothered by fireworks!

One of the closed restaurants has a resident colony of cats

Bonnie enjoyed the beach but continues to have battles with Duna who is struggling to accept the changes this last month has brought to her life