I don’t know about having a vermut today – I am trying to finish painting a room and already I am finding it a bit wobbly on top of the ladder But it’s also raining and so the idea of a warming drink indoors is also tempting! I don’t have long so will have to invite you in, press a glass into your hand and then get on with things while we talk. I started painting the room where I have already been doing some massages. It’s at the front of the house and a bit noisy to the street but has a wonderful feeling of peace and tranquility. I want to get back to work soon – or as soon as life events allow me to stay in one place for any length of time! Work for me means acupuncture and so I am hoping this is the room where I can do some healing and I’m looking forward to seeing how the room responds to that energy. It feels like it already has something special in there.
But at the moment it is like this – the thought of decorating is so much nicer than the reality! This corner starts to look different. Notice the electric plug way high up on the wall – the houses here often have things like this!
I have so many things in my head at the moment that I can’t formulate a coherent sentence here. Let’s just have another drink and share a companion-a-bull silence. I am actually thinking several thoughts all at the same time and the only way to cope is to keep painting, writing lists and when in doubt smile because life is very interesting at the moment and next week perhaps I’ll be able to explain more what I mean! There is also something I have do do soon which is making me nervous but I will tell you more after I have done it!
I don’t really feel scared in the market but for some reason I behave like I am! Today buying fruit and vegetables I gabbled the words, laughed nervously and my hands shook when trying to sort out the change in my purse. I notice other people doing this when they come to England and especially with the money. It’s like a nervous twitch. The coins are not familiar. You drop money (today I let 5 centimos fall down amongst the oranges and tried to ignore it but the woman insisted on taking them all out and retrieving it. ‘Tranquilla’ she said!) and you fumble and stutter.
Oh well, one day I’ll find true inner calm and confidence!
I drew this today when sitting having a coffee in the Porxada.
Then came home to find an email from a friend saying
“Its quite amazing how you are coping with all the uncertainties in your life – being a Taurus who likes to have a firm footing”
And now that reminds me of the silly word game I used to play with my father – incredibull, unbelieveabull, laughabull, intolerabull, admirabull…..I’d forgotten that!
Tonight I invite you to a quiet vermut on the sofa in front of the TV at home. I travelled back from Cornwall early this morning after an overnight drive and no sleep and now am far too tired to go out anywhere! It was strange that I had an attack of pre-flight nerves before getting on the Ryanair plane this morning. You know, when you have waves of irrational thoughts which include ‘get off the plane! get off the plane now!’?
Waiting to board, the man behind me was restless and edgy – was he an attacker?
It took a long time to get the plane ready to board – had there been a warning?
Across the isle was a security guard who was permitted to carry a suitcase beside her and she kept looking back over her shoulder to check the passengers – did she have a gun?
My brain was going crazy with panic warnings and my heart was pounding as they closed the doors and we seemed to taxi forever along the runway. You know how you watch the air hostesses for reassurance? They seemed to be behaving normally so I closed my eyes and told myself it was lack of sleep that was putting me on high alert. Of course it was all fine and we had a smooth flight and arrived on time to the now habitual burst of applause from the other passengers and the toot diddle toot toot of Ryanair because it was yet another punctual flight. I cried on landing and felt better for the release of tension. Do you ever get afraid for no reason on a plane? Once that door opens in your mind then it is very hard to close it against the flood of terrifying images that threatens to drown you. How do the flight attendants manage to do it day after day? Well, it’s nice to be home and lovely to sit down with a drink and feel my body begin to relax again and feel safe. Vicki Cristina Barcelona is on the television in Catalan so I think I will watch it now and slide gently into the language again . I don’t know if Bodhi Chicket is having a virtual vermut today but it’s worth going over there to take a look and see what she is thinking about. Fins Ara
Welcome to Virtual Vermut – a time to relax and have a drink and a chat. At least I will be chatting and I hope you will join in but I won’t know what you’re saying unless you write in and tell me!
Tonight I am actually going to have a whisky – it’s a bit chilly here for a vermut and ice. Here is Blue guarding the bottle in front of the fire.
If I was sitting here with you I’d probably find it hard to get started. Lots has been going on this week and especially inside my head but I can’t put it into order. I wonder if this is a common experience for people who have moved to another country when they go back ‘home’?
Here is my ‘office’ the only place I can get onto the internet as my neighbour kindly lets me use hers when I am here.
The picture at the top of the stairs is too small. This one would be better…………………
Karen Wade painting
I saw it in an exhibition in Penzance. It’s by Karen Wade and she has her first solo exhibition in the Stoneman Gallery. I was reading Cornwall Today in the dentists waiting room and when I saw photos of these paintings and knew I must go and see them in real life. Only just resisted buying one – now is not the time for splashing out.
My head has been buzzing with plans. I want to move properly to Catalunya and this means I need to bring my dogs over, including 15 year old Blue. Before that happens I need to sort out my house and that could take a few months – you can’t tie up a life and home in just two weeks…..or I can’t.
While thinking, I have been getting out and about. The weather has been good so I went with a friend to see Surfing Tommies at the Minack theatre. Outside the ticket office there was a forest of echium
That night it was windy and wild with rain showers thankfully only lasting a few minutes. I enjoyed the performance but hit my boredom level at least half an hour before it finished.
But the place is so beautiful it’s easy to forgive almost anything
Bonnie likes to go walking and doesn’t get out so much now so I took her along the coastal path from Mousehole. For once she didn’t bark at the horses and they were too curious to be afraid of dogs
I’m not usually lost for words and really I wonder if you’d be better going to see Bodhi Chicklet straight away to see if she has any vermut or perhaps something stronger. I am boring myself. All I think about is lists of things to do and in what order to do them.
This visit I have spoken to two other friends who also have left to make lives in different countries. It’s not just me who finds it hard to get the right balance. Friendships are disrupted, people get miffed, if you have a home you come back to lots of tiddly but awkward maintenance jobs, a mound of mail with nasty surprises and not enough time to sort it all out. You need delicacy and tact when talking about your new life. Too much enthusiasm sounds like you are critisising the old; too much complaining sounds like you’re not grateful. Emotionally it is tiring – everything familiar but also strange. You are here but you are absent. People want to see you but sometimes, because they miss you, they behave strangely.
Sometimes animals are easier. Cats are especially relaxing. Dandelion – the best cat in the world.
Apart from all this I’d like to tell you that I have been thinking about my other home and about what is happening in Plaça Catalunya and feeling sad that these peaceful and creative protests almost always end up being violently disrupted. What is this force in the world that needs to be in control and is willing to hurt others in the process? Nothing on the TV news but plenty on the internet.
I’m wondering how my Catalan is doing, buried deep under a thick layer of English now. Hope it is just gathering strength for next week and will emerge stronger and more fluent.
And lastly – tomorrow – I will be watching the football. I wish I could be over there but at least I’ll be able to understand the commentary. Good luck Barça!
See you next week and thank you for listening.
