It is the last day of June and summer is here. I travelled again to Cornwall to see my beautiful dogs who are still living ‘at home’ and waiting for me to find a home for them here with a garden for us all.
But meanwhile they can enjoy privileges Catalan dogs can only dream of…… My cats too are happy in the Cornish countryside where they were born I had two days of intensive tango in Devon seeing old friends and letting my legs rediscover total freedom from conscious control. Then a sleepless night and an early flight home to Catalunya. I had many thoughts about Home and what it means to leave behind all that is familiar and known and build a life in a new and sometimes strange environment. What it feels like to reposition myself in fresh earth, in another climate, with new foods and waters. And how I move between these two worlds when I travel back and forth, balancing between the two. What is happening now to my roots as they dig down finding new ways to provide stability? Why do some people stay very close to their origins and others go on journeys to different lands? I have headed south in my life – from Inverness to Edinburgh to London to Penzance to Catalunya. I know what it is like to be the new one, the different one, the foreigner. Here we are called ‘guiris’ and I asked recently what it means to be a ‘guiri’ – it can be translated as tourist or foreigner normally someone from the north of Europe with blue eyes and blond hair and pale skin. I hear the word used sometimes in a dismissive way – ‘that restaurant is only for guiris’ and at other times as if it is just a description of someone different. I will always be a little bit the outsider here, no matter how long I stay or how well I speak Catalan. Interesting questions to ask myself –
Why do I find it so easy to live somewhere where I am always different?
Have I ever felt I am more or less the same as those around me? Perhaps it is something to do with being red-haired when I was young – always a little different and sometimes uncomfortable with this visibility but now I seem to enjoy just being myself in a new world. My roots are not only seeking out new stability but are intertwining with others at a new level.
When I was living in Barcelona I had the strange experience of feeling like a ‘guiri’ but being treated like an unofficial tour guide. Every day I was approached by people – Spanish/Catalan people – asking me for directions, checking if they were on the right train, wanting to know the nearest chemist….. I couldn’t look more like an outsider but clearly something in me was exuding ‘ I belong’.
Heartfelt and beautifully written, Kate. So happy to catch up with you this visit, too.
Happy happy summer!
D x
We moved a lot when I was little, so I’ve never really had any location I could call home. I find hostility to incomers is one of the only things that can make me instantly angry. I suppose I feel ‘northern’ and I love the landscape of my ancestors, but if I lived there I’d still be an incomer…So home is ‘inside’ you I think – and where you hang your hat…
thank you both for the comments. I do believe that the use of the term guiri isn’t meant to be hostile – or not normally. and actually here I feel very welcomed – people are very quick to ask if they should speak castellano instead of catala so I can understand. But there is something internal to me that sometimes makes me feel aware of my difference and it’s not always comfortable. Kate
You have described being an outsider so well. I too have moved around for much of my life and now that I am older I realize that I will never belong, even though now I am as close to my birthplace as I have ever been. I’ve been too many places and had too many experiences to belong here anymore either. You are right to realize you must find home within yourself.
MI niñaaaaa… qué bonito, your thoughts about identity are enlightening and lovely! Don’t be afraid of being “the other”, “the guiri”. Go on to the South, to the West, to the Moon… where your wings take you. The birds don’t need to have roots or stability or a country,they need a nest, and it will be ever in you and around the world where someone loves you. I love youuuuu…. and sorry for my English… Awful in the wee hours in the night!!! Besazo, dona fermosa! Isa